Hooking up can seem like a whole big process, and a complicated one at that! But it really doesn't need to be, and we're going to help you figure that out. Just because you're sleeping with someone doesn't mean there needs to be feelings involved - it's a fun, no strings attached situation! Some people think it's impossible to do it successfully, but those people are wrong. It is possible to do, and we're going to tell you exactly how to hook up without getting hurt. It's more common than ever for people to hook up without having a relationship, so it obviously does work, you just have to know how to do it!
It's definitely a lot different from actual dating, so the rules are different as well, but it's important that you keep some things in mind while you're hooking up with someone, and put the situation in perspective. This person is not your boyfriend/girlfriend, they're just someone that you have sex with when the two of you are in the mood, but don't worry - by the time you're finished this article, you'll know exactly how to separate your hookups from your dates, and keep yourself from getting hurt in the process of getting yours.
The last thing you want to do is go to this person for personal advice, or share your personal details with them. This is a hookup, not a relationship, so they don't need to know the dynamics of your relationship with your family, or that you're having a tough time at work. Keeping your personal life to yourself with this person is a great way of preventing yourself from getting too close, because there's no need to be more connected beyond sexual intimacy. Save the personal life stories and ailments for an actual date or relationship, not for your hookup. It's know-how 101 on how to hookup without getting hurt.
This goes both ways too - don't get invested in your hookup's personal life. Change the subject if things start getting a little too close to home. You don't want to give them the opportunity to bond with you, and vice versa. The closer you get, and the more involved you get in each other's personal business, the harder it is to separate the two, and the easier it is to get hurt when things come to an end. Keep your heart safe by avoiding anything that seems too personal or intimate to you. Always steer the conversation back to sex, or your next hookup, but never let it get too deep.
Like we said, you don't need to air your dirty laundry about your family to your hook, and you shouldn't. Your hookup doesn't need to know anything about your family at all - whether or not you have siblings, what your situation is with your parents, how they feel about your lifestyle. Keep all of these things to yourself. If you're mad at your sibling and need to vent to someone, call a friend, not your hookup. If it's not a booty call, you don't need to call them, but we'll get into that more shortly.
Don't let your hookup tell you about their family either. Don't ask if they have siblings, or what their parents do - nothing. If they mention something about family, just let it slide. Don't acknowledge that it happened, and don't ask questions about it. It's a very slippery slope when you start talking about family, because it's a very personal and intimate detail about yourselves that makes it feel like you two have a deeper bond. If you have a deeper bond, you're more likely to get hurt, so don't let it happen. Keep any and all family related talk out of the picture with this person, and keep it on the sexual side.
There's also no need to exchange cutesy or funny stories from your past. They don't need to know about your childhood quirks, and you don't want to give them a reason to develop feelings for you beyond sexual attraction. Maybe you got up to a ton of shenanigans in college, but your hookup doesn't need to know about those - unless you're talking about the sexual ones. These are the only kinds of stories you two need to be sharing, and only if it's in a sexy manner, i.e. trying to break previous sex records, and so on.
It can be really tempting to fill silence with random stories, but don't do that with your hookup. You two don't have to talk, really, you just have to get naked and be together! But if you want to talk about something, stick to pop culture or sex. Don't share a funny story that happen to you when you were 15, don't talk about that crazy thing that happened the other day, and don't bring up gossip from work. Just keep your convos superficial and sexy, and you're that much closer to mastering how to hookup without getting hurt.
There's no reason whatsoever for you and your hookup to be talking more than a couple times a week, at most. You should not be talking or communicating daily, because this is not just a hookup, If you're getting into wanting or needing to talk to your hookup on a daily basis, you need to reconsider your situation, because you might just be in a budding relationship. But to keep things from getting that far, keep your communication to a minimum. You don't owe them anything; you don't have to chat or check-in, just text or call when you want to get laid!
Don't let your hookup become a clinger either. If they're starting to text you too often, don't respond until the next day. Make it clear that you're not into to talking and getting to know each other, because there's no need for it. You don't want to know too much about your hookup, because you don't want to catch feelings, and if you're talking too often, then it's bound to happen. Talk on weekends, or once a week, whatever the frequency of your hookups are, but don't do more than that. This is the one situation where the late-night "you up?" text is more than okay - it's expected!
Always, always, always keep your interactions and conversations sexy. The entirety of your relationship with this person sexual, so keep your topics in this area as much as possible. This could be anything from straight up dirty talk, to discussing sexual fantasies or things that you've always wanted to try. There are a surprising number of topics relating to sex, so when you two aren't actually doing it, you have a ton of things that you could be talking about that are not personal things. This is a great thing for you, because there's no way you can get too attached when you're talking about sex moves.
It's doubly beneficial for you two to talk about sex because a hookup is the perfect person experiment with. There's no judgement and no personal attachments, so nobody can get jealous, etc. If you want to try something that you've always been embarrassed to try with a partner, give it a shot with your hookup! Be prepared to do the same for your hookup too, if you're into what they're wanting to try. This is the best situation for sexual experimentation, and a great way to keep your feelings and personal lives completely separate from your sex life.
Don't expect anything from your hookup aside from sex, and they shouldn't expect anything more from you either. If you have an event coming up, don't expect that your hookup is going to be your date; you should never ask your hookup to go out with you on a date, or to accompany you to anything that isn't a sex trade show! Things are getting way too personal if you want them to come with you to a wedding or something similar, so do not do it. Ask a stranger or go alone - do not mix this part of your life with your hookup. If you're just hooking up, then they're going to decline your invite anyway, so save yourself the disappointment, and don't expect things of them.
If you have plans, it's also totally acceptable to last minute cancellations on both sides. If you're not in the mood anymore, it's fine for you to let them know you're not feeling it and to come another night. If they do the same to you, you can't get upset. This is the nature of a hookup, so keep things super casual and you won't have to worry about getting hurt. The only expectation you can have is satisfying sex, that's about it.
Don't jump when your hookup says jump. Do things on your time, and don't make yourself available for your hookup. If they want to hookup when you're busy or have plans, tell them no, another time. Never cancel your plans for a hookup, and don't expect them to do the same, because it won't happen. If you find yourself cancelling plans so that you can meet your hookup, instead of making plans with your hookup when you have free time, then you might be catching some feels. Abort this mission immediately if that's the case, because you might be in danger of getting hurt.
If you want to keep things uber casual, and just hookup without having to worry about getting hurt or disappointed, only give your hookup the time of day when you have that time free. Don't make the time for them, make the time for you. Message them when you have nothing to do, or you want a booty call. If you're with friends, don't answer their text unless you want to let them know that you're unavailable. Your schedule does not revolve around this person, remember that! If you're really interested in knowing how to hookup without getting hurt, then you need to remember that you come first!
You two are not exclusive, and you are not dating, so there's no reason why you can't date other people while you two are hooking up. Until you're in an exclusive relationship with someone else, have fun and get yours where you can! Don't feel like you can't date other people just because you're having sex with this person. Chances are they aren't worrying about it, or thinking the same, so you shouldn't either! Hooking up isn't about bonding and getting what you would from a real relationship, it's about sex, so it's perfectly okay to look for your person while you're having sex with your hookup. That is, until you commit to your person.
A hookup is not a date, or a boyfriend, or an intimate relationship that goes any deeper than sex. The best way to hookup without getting hurt, is to keep all of this in mind. If someone else asks you out, go ahead and accept! You owe nothing to your hookup; you aren't cheating, because you aren't together! Keep your happiness and satisfaction in mind above anything else, and you'll keep yourself from getting hurt while you're hooking up!